somebody snuck up and got me drunk
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
