"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
