chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
