Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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