Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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