How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
