similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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