all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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