I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
