I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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