mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love having hate sex.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
