twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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