8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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