Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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