If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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