If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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