What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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