you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
