apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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