he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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