I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
