This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
