you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize