now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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