we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
