dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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