PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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