I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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