Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
my liver is dry heaving
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
