don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Boobs are out for the taking
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
