Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Four minutes until I can fart!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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