you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize