we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
