Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
