Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize