Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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