I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
