11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
