if only i could text you this smell
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
