She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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