My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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