My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
