i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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