Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
