If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Be still, my beating vagina.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
