dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
