Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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