So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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