my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
