I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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