When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
