I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
