And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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