Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
