Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
