My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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