Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
