Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
