I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
