i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
