Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
