My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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