if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
