When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
