In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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