i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
