and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
