Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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