I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
