so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
