Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
