respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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