Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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