I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
