grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
